
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7666552.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other
  Fandom:
      ジョジョの奇妙な冒険_|_JoJo_no_Kimyou_na_Bouken_|_JoJo's_Bizarre_Adventure
  Relationship:
      um_-_Relationship, a_lot_this_is_a_mess_lmao
  Character:
      all_o_them_tbh, Original_Male_Character(s)
  Additional Tags:
      this_is_a_joke_pls_dont_take_this_srsly, meghan_and_i_wrote_this_on_a
      whim, thi_s_is_an_entire_crack_fic_fucking_mess_and_completely_just_the
      worst_thing_u_will_ver_read, this_is_hte_my_immortal_of_jjba_but_just_one
      chapter, oh_my_god_i_kinda_want_to_write_a_my_immortal_fic_now_lmao,
      anyways_this_is_shit
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-08-03 Words: 1615
****** The One True JJBA Fic ******
by lubemonster
Summary
     pelase dont take any o this seriosuly oh my god anyways meg and i
     wrote this and its crack and horrible and theres lie one mention of
     rape and underage and just lots of sex mention and horrible language
     and slurs?? pls dont take ANGY of this seirously im so sorry oh my
     god also we wrote this in google docs and they were on their phone so
     its an absolute fucking mess im so oryr lmao
Okay these r te author notes bcus i might post this on ao3 if we ever finish
lmao
Author Fucko (me): okay my oc is Kenta Noburu and his stand is Elastic Heart
(going with song/band title theme okay) and it can stretch its limbs like u
know it has elastic powers lmao (bcus his last name means "extend") and it can
also control whoever it latches onto kinda like dios flesh buds while draining
the fluids out of the person bcus its like slimy/goo like the goo girls from
coc bcus i said so but also rubbery?? bcus i can
and hes hot and gay and everyone loves him
Author Dickshit (meghna): fuck it okay his name is Abraham George Hector and if
we're going w/ song names for stands then his stand is thrift shop and it
dances and raps at people and steals their money and then it goes and buys shit
at thrift stores with the money and then it comes back and tries to kill the
enemy w/ whatever it bought. but like it moves rlly fast so it can go like
across the world and get like a gun or smth
but bc it's jjba the stand also powers up whatever item he uses by a lot so he
doesn't suck
Okay so heres the deal, ill lead u dont need to put ur author name or use the
color uve been designated unless u want to lmao here we go
darn it howdo I chat I don't know how
DONF DELETE IT It was a fine, british fucking bloody shit mornign becaue it was
reaining and ans if was ranjng poop also shit bcus thats like england, mates.
Stop meghan it wasnt fuckign RAINGEAH KG WAS SHIT FHE FUCK UP I JUST NOTICED
TOI SAID LIKE THEGOOGJRKS GRKM COC. THAT'S SO FAYPO OP
Nayways our heroes were taking a fine walk outside the hoestar manor weh n!!!!a
uckign wagon or carriage or whatever appears and this sexy blnde dude walks out
but ehs 12 so hes not sxy okay sh were not pedos
Anywas kenta goes
“Goly shit dude tha t guys so hot hes blonde
how idd i
get here
what kind of coloni
alis
m brought
me here”I'M TRYING Abraaham write ur line nw
“ wow dude you sure are gay but I'm going to get to dio firsy just waych me”
and dont be mean he has a lisp
“Ur struglging man and yeah im super hay i like peb is O W NO U WONST” i used
to power of m y stand to get to him first
‘ gy dio ur ghot i like u” btu then he fuckign KIL S JONATHANS DOG and kenta
goes
“ wat the fu ck dude okay listen we cat b e togehter anymo
abe starts to cry because he lovesdogs. ore sorry bye im a furry”
Abe fucigkm DIES
He dies with danny the end
no that's shit But KENTSS STAND BRIGNS HIM BACK
NO HIS OWN STAND BRJNVS HIM NACK
IT'S MACKLMEOREAnyways jonrahtnsan is like “wow how lie. .. ocool an hot of u
im not straight anymore” and thy fucking fuck and its dirty and hot
And eriann wait whk wasatrteiagsees
this is hard. “wh att the fuck man i thought we were maried but i goes not”
Now its ur turn
 
Just stay
o separate
lines okay
and write
whatever its hard because i can't tab on my phone SAY OFF MY LINE
SGAY IN YOUR FUCKNG LANE
abe goes “dude we should fucking kill erina but wait that would fuck up the
timeline tho right”
“who's gonna find Lisa Lisa as a child “
Kenta goes “i k nwo erina sorry but hes gay fro me now but u can be our
surrogate nmother like the trolls and the mother grub or whatver i cant reenver
homestuck lol” hten he goes “YAH FUCKING LETSKILL HER” and timeleins mean
onthign t me listen mpreg
“Me, dude. Lsiten its me ad speedwagon bcus jonathan dies in real life okay he
DIES”
no it should be abe
Amogrwd bc he's trans and it MAKES SENSE SO NOBODY HAS TOBIRTH FROM THEIR
ASSHOLES be wo births or findm
Ho kay good wait fuck u im gnna continue t he fucking JOESGTAR LIKNE U SULT
Anyways kenta has george II George thags my middle name says abe
Jon fuckng died and erina AND FINE OKAY GEROGE ABE JOESTAR and erina like got
murdred
b a po
is FUCK I'M TRYING
neod berry in her vagina
vaginas are gross says abeTAY OFF YM FUCKING LINE
aabagahahajajajJAAJJAJAAHAHAHABANANO“yteah i like penivs” ktnna bcus hes ay
esNNnNNNNNNNananamamamaamam
abe screams
“
Sorry
i just had to get that out
STOP“ ANANANAVBAVAVAVAGAHABJAJAJANFBDBDNDNDBSBSBSNS
z
“SHUT T najananaAAAAAAAAAAAAAQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUP OKAY AUTHOR FUCKGINGIE
ENGOINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
 
I shoudlv wAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArote this iwhotuu u traitorus lSUTAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Tis iMNO IT'S NOT YEAH ITANAKWBDHDSHAJAJAJAJAAJAJANAs my IMORTAL OKAY THINS ISS
MY ME IMORTALNAAAAAAAAA u BINCH i leAAAAAAAAt u in this hoAAAAAAAAAAAAue i
trust u i AND U DO THIS
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA anwyas lets continue
with the storyTTAAAAAAAAAabw has a scramjnf podon't bead st him it's not his
fsukt
m. do
why is this all about kenta.
Abe is a really important charcager too
ICANT ON MY PHONE IT'S SO HARD
NO I DON'T WANT RO IT'S 3AM
Okay so kenta meets joseph and jojo tries to fight him but kenta goes “ge y bro
stop liten i was lovers with ur grandpa and he told me to rptoect u” BCUS UR
NOT FUCKING TYPING ANYTHING HJUST KEEP TYPIG ON THAT LINE LEAVE ME ALONE GT ON
UR LAPTOP U CUNT
“okay “ jojo says nad thne they fuck and then seedagon join in
Oh shit we forgot oh shit wassup sopendwagon
Suspended
Blocked
Reported SEEDAGON
Anyways
Casar emets the and liek “ what the fcu u pigs u SLUTS im fne here” but then he
ucks kentas PEB IS
“O h no man that was ur o nly hope oh well
its okay
he was gonn ei anyways” says
da
Wagon
 
and abe goes “MAN i wish i was important to the story”
hey I'm typing on my own line dont get madat me
STO; [P
Fuck
I want some f8cuugin IC CREAM
“Ur jsut a fugly gay abe no one lovesu “ and he suses elastic heart to slap the
fuc kout of ape APE ape NOOOO OOOOO ABW SCREAMS AND HE USES HIS STAND ANSMACKLE
MORE JUMPS OUT ANS STEALSKENS FJCMING MONEY ANDHE GETS A GUN ANS HE SHOOTS HIM
HE'S DEAD KENTA IS DEADkeep UFCK YOU WHAT THE FUC HOW DAR EYOU
Naywasy they bea tht eoillar men but not before kenta has filtyh se with all of
the mand also saves santana and trns evil and becomes dios mentor and marries
santana AND STIP TRYING TO SHOOT MY OC UR FUCKERING ELASTIC HEART SAVES HI M
KENTA IS INVINCIBLE AND IMMORTAL NAD NO ONE CAN STOP HIM
Anhywyas. NO BUT HSI HUN IS PIWERES UO,,, THE GUN STOPS TJE STAND IT STOPS
ELASTIC HEART AND HE DJES KENTA IS DEADHE IS SO DEAD RIHJT NOW “I lov u” syas
vanila ice cream and they also marry STOP WHAT THE FUCK ARE HOL HORSE FUCKO FF
WITH OUR GUN STAND OAKY anyways they all get arried and oingo an d boingo r
spared and rOINGO escued but tthen KAKOYING joings nad THRTS RACIST AGAINST
OINGOS
 
whag ifi just deleted alltour hard work
 
NOOO I'M SORRY
I'm srill gonna murder what the fuck there's rape nowbben that's fjcked uo
Kanoyking also hgets married but then joatrao jidnaps him and makes him good
again and that rlly makes mkenta angry DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT
fckgin DOO IT I DDARE YOU THATS WHAT I THOGUTBH BTIUCH
Anyways ktojaito raped kakoying and eknta is like “u ,, , how a=dare ,, u o,,
thi ,, toe me,,, where am i,, wht is this lace,, that ia m in,,,,’ and sakura
from sugoid quest for kokro show sAAAAAAAAA YOU HAVE NEKO POWERSu pand urses
her nejo powers t YK INGN MRDER MEGHAN BCUS U FJUCKGIN SCK LAMOA
aahahaAHAHAHAAHAHA
anwyay lmal rhanks s actually that was a god aditiodn good job
So kenta like mruders jtoaro and thats the reak body ddio steald andthen he
creeateda clon of jotansro and thats whos in aprt 4 and why did u just do that
Anyways u m fuck avdol is alive and evil and also married to kenta and
polnareff is uFCKGIN DEAD BCUS I BATE HIM and iggy is theyr peet NAD TEHRES NO
TIRED ANYMOERE WE NEED TO POWER THROUGH THIS
Im a rite
RIP TIRE READY
RRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
*exlposedon meghna nd fucking kills them* I'mtored
Anyways part 4 everyone becomes evil nad marries kenta
Same with part 5 but also DIAVOLO FUCKING DIES BCUS I HAR HIM
And then in part 6 koylen and hermes and foo r all alive and lesbians otgether
and clone jotaro dies bcus its rlly cute
I naprt 7 iego fucks kenta and theyr all dinoasaurs and jonny wins the sbr an
gyro lives and then funny valentien also joins and theres a rlly big orgy
oAPRT 8 and fuckingj osefumi srory i mean osuek and his 4 balls and ge nuts all
inside of mkenta the end e veryine is happy
OH SHIT BY THE Wy caesar married them all too but then he and jos
I'm backeph killed themselves to be together goreverkh my gkd thats geyehy
finall i finished the fanfic what to uthink thats sio cute
it's good
bye ik lmao listen BYE U BITHC UN CIBINH B I C T H bitch anyways the end giw do
ifuckign remobe u
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